We have spoken to your mother. We know everything.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Guest Post- A Teacher Tells The Truth About Your Kid and Sex

Mamacita, of Weekly Scheiss, has never been shy. As an educator (which means she knows a whole lot more about your kids than you do), she has seen it all. That in itself of course, is meaningless. While most teachers don't give a damn about your kids, Mamacita does.

She is the kind of teacher you pray your kids have. Of course, in reality, that won't happen. While there are a few good teachers in the system, there are even fewer Mamacitas. (She is available to save children from a life of indistinguished mediocrity. Contact us and we'll see if we can be of any help. Yes, it costs lots of money.).

Mamacita is about to teach you about sex. That's right, she's going to teach you about sex- and she knows a whole lot more about sex and your kids than you do.
That said, shut up, sit down, pay attention, take notes- and learn something.

Your kids may need you to just that.


Don't get me wrong. I think sex is awesome. I think driving a car is pretty cool, too; but most people acknowledge that a driver must be of a certain age, so his maturity and size will match the mechanism of the car.

This theory ought to work for other things, too; but it doesn't. Not any more.

Our children today are bombarded with sex. It's all around them, and it isn't in disguise, as it was back in the day. By which I mean, back in MY day.

Our children today know more about the lives of celebrities than about the lives of historical figures and relatives. Celebrities wear outfits that are deliberately and expensively designed to barely cover the subject, as it were. The tiny short shirts and low-cut pants worn by our children are immature imitations of the boob-exposing, thong-showing, transparent non-clothing of the stars.

Many children spend more time in front of the television, than they spend with their families. This is sometimes by circumstance, but more often, by choice. It is never by necessity. Children imitate the adults around them. That is how they learn. When children are exposed to adults who wear two rubber bands and a length of ribbon in public, those children will believe that is a proper thing to wear.

Jerry Springer is on tv at five in the afternoon here. Many children are alone in the house at that hour. They watch dysfunctional perverts and hillbillies scream and yell and talk about relationships and lifestyles that would grow hair on a peeled potato. With no adult around to forbid it, or to explain it, why would an impressionable kid not believe such are viable ways to live?

"But baby, it was dark, and your grandma looked just like you. . . . " (hoot, hoot, hysterical laughter. . . . . .)

Parents themselves, even when home with a child, are often living examples of bad parenting and nonexistent social skills. Drunks, drug users, adulterers. . . . all in front of a child. Some kids don't know these are not normal lifestyles until they come to school. Tiny kids often have the worst potty mouths imaginable, because kids learn to speak by imitating the adults around them. Some parents talk that way all the time, and don't bother to change even when a little child is in the room. Every part of speech has a usage for the word "fuck" these days.

I know that people are tired of blaming Clinton for the rise in blowjob popularity, but it can't all be a coincidence. When the President is able to rationalize his propensity for uncontrolled activities right within the White House walls by resorting to "I can't help it; I have a problem; I'm an addict," I believe the door was opened for a lot of other people to rationalize their behavior with that same pathetic excuse.

Life is full of choices. When people become adults, their ability to choose should have become mature, too. This isn't happening much these days, and I really do believe that part of the reason for that is the incredible media coverage that celebrity adults are getting for their own immature choices. Harrison Ford, for crying out loud! He abandoned his wife and shacked up with a girl young enough to be his daughter, and the world applauded! Sick. Do you really want an aging and wrinkled Indiana Jones having sex with YOUR young daughter? Do you really?

I wonder about that. Maybe if people realized that all of these under-thirty girls who are hooking up with old men are someone's daughter. . . . . it could be YOUR daughter. . . . is that really what you want for your child? To be the mistress of a dirty old man?

My last few years in the middle school were spent largely chasing kids out of the bathroom of the opposite sex. Blowjobs were all the rage. It was all they could talk about. They even drew pictures and diagrams, of kids 'doing it,' or 'how to do it' for the uninitiated.

Unpopular girls became suddenly popular. Early-developing boys were chased down the halls and solicited. It was sick. A time or two someone was actually caught in the act, but our principal had a hard time believing such things could happen at that age, and we had a really difficult time convincing her that yes, it was happening two or three dozen times a day. Nothing was ever done, because 'the teacher must have just misinterpreted the situation and assumed the worst.'
Yes, it happened like that over and over. The parents were our worst problem, because they simply refused to believe their innocent child could possibly do that, and they became furious at the implication.

And the middle school kids were giving, and getting, blowjobs all day.

When something like that becomes 'cool,', the 'thing to do,' because 'everybody's doing it,' then it's hard to explain to a kid that blowjobs are not the way to go at age thirteen. At thirteen, fourteen, hormones are overflowing and overwhelming, and there are no legitimate outlets. And then suddenly, there is one. And nobody gets pregnant, either. STD's? VD? Not taught. Against community standards.

Schools often do not have any kind of sex talk for kids this age. Parents refuse to believe it could ever be true. Communities are up in arms at the very thought. Teachers are helpless. And the students are giving and getting blowjobs in the bathrooms all day.

What is the solution? I don't know. Parents have to work. Kids are going to watch whatever they can get by with. We did. They do.

It's just that they can watch and get by with WAY more than we could. Mostly, I think, because they have access to so much more. They've seen it done, so they know how.

Because they are exposed to so much, it's harder for them to wait, than it was for us. And it was hard for us.

They operate the machinery before they've read the manual.

The exception, for our time, is the rule, now.

This is not a good thing. I'm all for healthy outlets, but not at age thirteen.

I've seen heartache. Heartbreak. Disillusionment. All at way too young an age.

The experiences we had at seventeen and eighteen, kids have now at twelve, thirteen, fourteen. What's left for seventeen and eighteen?

Society has given the finger of approval for things that, only a few years ago, would have been given just the finger.

What is the answer? I wish I knew. I'm not even sure I know what the question is.

But I do know that we'd better find out both before it's too late. I hope it's not already too late, for our kids, and theirs.