Risk, Reward, Relationships And What The Hell Do We Know?

Fistful of Fortnights had an interesting post about dating, the inevitable accompanying rejection and what might best be described as a bit of a cold shower, in a post entitled, Welcome to the Jungle, Baby.

Now presenting two guaranteed ways to avoid romantic rejection:

1. If currently single, take a vow of celibacy and not interact romantically with a solitary soul.

2. If attached, remain in an unhappy relationship, just to avoid having to jump back into the pond of dating life.

I would advise taking neither of these paths, since the first choice leads to a lonely existence, and the second alternative breeds a life of resentment and discontent. Ugly stuff that is fodder for another essay, but they both shut out the unknown in favor of the certain, which only leads to stagnation. In addition, one would always wonder about the boyfriends / girlfriends one would never have- and even if life is conflict free, part of you will always wonder what you are missing.

In other words, it all boils down to the greener grass syndrome.

Here's the deal. Real relationships take work. They are mean to be worked at together, with your partner. It will not always be easy.

Relationships, in and of themselves, like work, are not supposed to leave you fulfilled. They are not supposed to be fun, in and of themselves. As we said once before, no one gets up in the morning and says, 'Goodbye! I'm off to fun!" Work is meant to be work- not fun. Work is meant to be work- there is no guarantee that you will like your work, or ever be fulfilled by it.

The same applies to relationships. How profound and important your relationship is to you is directly related to how much work you put into it. The quality of the relationship is measured by what you put in- not what you get out of it. Is that a risk? Yes.

Happiness is possible, but only through a series of risks, and if one don't just make those jumps, he shall never find out what could have happened.

If you don't extend yourself, you won't ever know the what might have beens. Relationships aren't about quid pro quos- they are about extending oneself- and if we're lucky, we'll get that back in return for our efforts.

We'd like to add one more element to the mix: The best of relationships are predicated on shared values, as opposed to shared interests. By their very definition, interests change. Values on the other hand, refine and mature, like the best of wines, acquiring depth and nuance.

Think about that- values vs interests. The differences are profound.

Sadie's post can be found here.