A Chilling Truth

Even the vegetables get it. Cold facts on the Middle East.

Excerpt from a frosty exchange:

ONION: Indeed. We also have reports that Salami committed this heinous crime using weapons of mash destruction–namely French’s Mustard Gas. My fellow Crispericans, we have a big problem and it needs our immediate attention. Salami Hussein will not be happy until he takes over the entire refrigerator. Intelligence has also revealed that he and his well armed militia are moving north…to the freezer. I’m afraid we have no choice but to go to war in Ice Rack.

CUCUMBER: But Mr. Onion! How can we do that without consent of the other residents and inhabitants of this refrigerator? We’ll need approval before we can go in. Besides, our detractors will just way we’re invading for the Freon.

ONION: Be that as it may, Cucumber, but do you want to take that chance? Do you want to risk the safety of your wife and your little gherkins? I’m sorry, but this is a very big dill! Someone please get me my Security Adviser, Condoleeza Minute Rice.

(There’s a knock on the drawer; enter Condoleeza Minute Rice)

RICE: Good evening, Mr. Onion. I have the status reports from our Allies regarding Ice Rack.

ONION: Very good, Condi. You OK? You look a little grainy.

RICE: I’m fine Sir. The meeting was in the pantry and it was very hot, so I’m clumping a bit, but I think you’ll be most interested in how our Allies are feeling about the situation in the Middle Yeast...

Read the rest. It will make your blood boil.