Sarah And Barack Go Hunting

MHNN (Ann Arbor, MI)- Pat M Santy author of Carnival Of The Insanities (COTI) sat down with Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, John McCain's vice presidential nominee.

Ms Palin wanted to discuss the stress of juggling vice presidential and motherhood responsibilities.

Just as the session was getting underway, Barack Obama showed up and asked to be a part of the session. After some deliberation, both Dr Santy and Governor Palin agreed to let Mr Obama into the session.

What follows is the transcript of this most important counseling session.

BO- You are seeing Governor Palin and you didn't consult me. As a Black man, I feel betrayed yet again.

PMS- Betrayed?

BO- Yes. You didn't ask me my feelings about your seeing her.

PMS- My talking with Governor Palin has nothing to do with you. Nothing we discuss will have anything to do with you. Why do you think you can tell me what to do? Why do you think you know what is best for me?

SP- Let him stay. I don't mind.

PMS- That's hardly appropriate. Besides, no one has the right to decide what is and isn't appropriate behavior for mental health professionals.

BO- Reverend Wright says that what is appropriate behavior for white people isn't necessarily appropriate for black people.

PMS- Barack, I really don't think this is appropriate-

SP- Really, I don't mind if he stays. Where were we?

PMS- Well, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with someone else in th eseesion-

BO- It's because I'm black, right? It's because I look different, right?

SP- Hey there, Nanuk of the south, lighten up! We were talking about working mothers and how to balance family and home.

BO- You weren't talking about me?

SP- Nope.

BO- Really?

SP- Really.

BO- Everyone in the country was talking about me.

PMS- Lots of people are talking about Sarah, now.

BO- That's racist.

PMS- racist?

BO- Something else America wants to take from me.

PMS- What's that?

BO- My right to be president.

SP- Have you ever been on a moose hunt, Barack?

BO- No, but I did help my grandmother catch a field mouse in Kansas once.

PMS- What do you mean, 'helped'?

BO- After I jumped up on the kitchen table, I told her I saw a mouse.

SP- Buckaroo, you need to come moose hunting wth me.

BO- Why? So you can shoot me? Isn't that a new VP responsibility?

SP- If I wanted to, I could take you out at 300 yards at night. I'm a pretty good shot. I don't need you to be up close.

BO- So why do you want me to go moose hunting with you?

SP- So you can understand where I'm coming from, trapper. Just because you go our hunting doesn't mean you are going to bag anything, no matter how badly you want to or how hungry you are.

BO- I don't get it.

PMS- Barack, what Sarah is saying is that just because you want the presidency and just because you feel entitled to the presidency doesn't mean you're guaranteed the presidency, anymore than going our hunting guarantees you'll have a successful hunt.

BO- But I have to be successful.

PMS- Why?

BO- Because I'm Barack Obama.

SP- So you think that you are entitled to the office. Do you think you are entitled to successful hunt too?

BO- Look, I know the game. I'm a Chicago Democrat. You can fix it so that I'm sure to get a moose.

SP- And you think that's real hunting?

BO- They fix elections in Chicago. That's how I got here. Hell, they fixed it so that there was no Democrat opposition for me to face in the nomination process.

PMS- And you think that's Democracy?

BO- It is in Chicago!

SP- And that's why I'm on McCain's ticket. This isn't right and you know it.

BO- So you'd deprive a black man just because you don't like his politics?

SP- I'd deprive you because I don't like your character. You talk a good story and you say all the right things- and yet everyone you around is cruel and vicious and visceral in their hate for me. And you are perfectly comfortable with that.

BO- That's not fair!

SP- Yes it is- you want to be successful at the hunt so badly, you'll surround yourself with people who will disable, hobble and hurt an animal, so that they can partake in the feeding frenzy and then claim their superiority over the unfortunate beast. That's not hunting- that's cruelty. And those are the people who are around you. Those are the people you seek counsel from.

BO- You make me sound cold.

SP- Do I? Good, because that is what you are. All the right boots and hunting gear don't make you a hunter if you try and rig the game or hunt illegally. Ask John McCain what it's like to be hobbled an disabled so that his captors always had the upper hand.

BO- I meant well- but hunting is cruel.

SP- I'm sure you did. You know what they say about the road to hell. As for hunting, you meant to say that white people who hunt are cruel. You have no trouble with anyone else hunting. Here's a secret, Barack. Real hunters are not cruel, because real hunters understand what it means to kill an animal to put food on the table. Meat isn't anonymous when you hunt. Hunters have a sense of gratitude for their good fortune and bounty. You have a sense of entitlement when you go into the grocery store. Where the animal came from and how it got there is the last thing you think about. You just want the meat, the prize, there and neatly packaged. You don't think of what has to be done just to prepare the meant so you can cook it. You don't want to have to do any of the messy and dirty work- you just want to eat, with no thoughts of anything else. Just like you think you are entitled to the presidency, with no thought of what it means to serve the people- really serve. The best presidents and leaders have always hunted- fairly, with no 'fixes.' The worst leaders always made sure their 'successes' were assured. They thought people would not know or see the difference. They were wrong.

PMS- OK, we're going to have to pick this up next week, Sarah, I promise we'll talk about hardworking moms.

SP- Barack, please come back.

BO- Only if you'll be nice to me.

SP- Sorry Buckaroo, no promises. I'm not a Chicago Democrat. I won't it that or a hunt for you.

PMS- Carnival Of The Insanities. Let's start there and let the healing begin. I've always wanted to say that.